She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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