nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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