Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
