farters have to be the big spoon...
4 words: hood of his car
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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