So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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