Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
