I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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