Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
