i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
