Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
