i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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