just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want to make out with him forever
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
