Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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