What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
