Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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