honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
