I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don't tell me you're on acid again
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
