i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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