i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize