never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
