Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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