You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
