yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
