you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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