Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
