Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
