I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize