Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
