R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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