counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
