She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
