Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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