Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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