He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
