Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
accomplished twins. life is a go
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
