so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
