Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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