I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
