My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize