Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
4 words: hood of his car
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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