i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
