sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
