You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
