Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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