I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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