Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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