dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
