She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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