those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
