I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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