And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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