I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
