We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
