Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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