; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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