I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
