I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
