Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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