My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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