Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
