How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
