Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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