i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
worst night to have a conscience
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
