Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
