how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
