i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Quick, to the slutcave!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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