Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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