She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
