Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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