Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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