Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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