Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
