We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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