How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
