I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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