why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
