It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
