thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
