just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize