she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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