he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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