and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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