i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
