Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
