at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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