Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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