Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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