would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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