PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
