just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
