I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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