Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
