My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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