Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize