There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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