I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How naked do you want me to be?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
